May 2012
55 posts
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My boss just shot me with a staple gun. It's...
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I drank so much coffee today that I'm afraid if I...
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People think I'm joking when I say I nearly...
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The scratches on my stomach are telling me two...
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I was wondering where that was
Apparently I sold my soul in high school because I just got it in the mail from a high school friend with a note that says, “I thought you might need this back.”
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"Don't move. I just want to pull on your eyelid to...
-Quotes from my boss
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Everyone should have the opportunity to start a...
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Easing into the work week after vacation is...
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The best place to have an in depth conversation...
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Christmas morning with my brother is never boring....
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It is always better to remove your beer from the...
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I rang in my 31st birthday sitting in a high...
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I might have been drunk, but looking back I'm...
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There is truly is nothing to remind you that...
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For lack of a better vessel, I ate the entire...
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"Kendra, I need $200 from petty cash for hot...
-Quotes from my boss
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United Steak of America
Land of the free and the home of the graaaaaavy
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Accidentally getting eye drops in my mouth = inane...
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Text of the day
“Can you please decode the vocal sample at the start of Passion Pit - Sleepyhead? Cause it sounds an awful lot like “please unicorn, eat tacos with meeeee” making it both your theme song and likely the first dance song at your wedding.”
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Nova Scotia, where all your dreams come true at...
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This hangover is MADE for a giant flea market. Oh...
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I like to think my gym bag is heavy because I use...
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Midweek heavy-drinking morning phlegm and regret...
My response to the question of what I think a whiskeyed-up protein shake would taste like.
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Week old garlic fingers in the fridge hard as a...
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Dear friends, my birthday is coming.
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I don't wake up with completely full cans of beer...
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This was my week. How was yours?
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Cinco de Mayo
Last Cinco de Mayo I was getting wheelchaired on Labatt 50 with a priest in an Irish pub. This Cinco de Mayo, it’s 2pm on Saturday afternoon, I just woke up and I am about to wash down flu medication and birth control with a delicious vodka cooler. Saw James Murphy dj last night and am going to see the LCD Soundsystem documentary, Shut Up And Play The Hits for the third time this week in a...
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Someone please get me this for my birthday but...
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The main reason I can't call in 'sick' when I am...
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Well my day is made →
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People look at you real weird when you take three...
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After the purchases and exploits in the last few...