This is my family in 2005. I keep this uncomfortable picture on the bulletin board in my office not because it’s a nice picture but to remind me what a hilarious debacle having a family photo done was. My dad is cursing under his moustache because he hates smiling. My mom is cursing because no one is taking it seriously. My brother and I are in hysterics because the photographer is trying to use puppets to get dad to smile. My brother has dad’s glasses from 1987 in his pocket and puts them on without anyone noticing. Mom’s mad we can’t have a barefoot photo because my feet are covered in bloody cuts from new flip flops. Makes me laugh every time. Puppets though, puppets.
Hotel hacks with Kendra: heating up soup. No kettle or microwave in your room? No problem. Just put your soup in the shower, turn the water temperature up as high as it will go and let it sit for awhile. Sure it’s a waste of water but it’s a lot easier than pouring it into a wine glass and trying to heat it with the blow dryer as originally planned.
-my mom on where she thinks my laminating obsession comes from
'Man drinking paint thinner on the subway' is the newest addition to my already long list of questionable reasons why I'm late, right under 'forgot my shirt was a belly top' and 'put finger through microwave door'
It’s the kind of story as Canadian as maple syrup - a northern Ontario man found a baby moose on the side of the highway, picked it up and took it to Tim Hortons.
I mean where else would you go, really.
- the alternate title to my memoir ‘The Airport Men Stole My Strap-on’
And on the third day she rose from the cave that was a graveyard of beer cans, resurrected the last of the Chinese food leftovers and thanked the heavens for how awesome it is to not wear pants for three days except for the three hours where she snuck out of said cave to eat a last supper worthy feast of tacos and margaritas.